Weeks out from a special event and unable to get an appointment with the fab folk at Telleish Hair Studio, I turned to trusted (not anymore) beauty website, Gritty Pretty, for a salon recommendation. “The salon’s namesake is Joey Scandizzo, three-time Australian Hairdresser of the Year...Scandizzo is a big name in the hairdressing and fashion industry– and his certified A-team, led by equally talented brother John Scandizzo, has previously won Salon Team of the Year”. These accolades are 100% fake news as far as I’m concerned, there is no evidence of such talent or passion for customer service, and zero professionalism here. Here’s my experience from today:

I booked myself in for a cut and colour, “just wanting to change to a lighter shade of blonde all over”. At least, that’s what I booked myself in for.

I arrived at the salon just after 9:45am this morning, and left 7.5hrs later after a nightmare experience. And to top it off, I was charged $415 for a service that according to their website, should’ve costed $245.

During the consult, if you can call it that, I wasn’t asked anything more than what I wanted. Picking up on her inexperience, I shared a 2 year hair history, a photograph of a sandy deep blonde ‘do that I’d like, aswell as several examples of blonde shades I don’t care for. I also mentioned that I hate the ombré look I was sporting and wanted vanquished. She said the colour will suit real well and that she’ll do a “half head”. It’s not a term I’m familiar with... but I trusted her to get on with it... she saw the picture after all!

Foiled and rinsed, I was passed onto another woman for my cut. She constantly forced me into uncomfortable sitting positions, and adjusted my head tilt every 2 seconds when I hadn’t moved. It was so annoying, I even mentioned to her that she made me feel stressed. Then she started up the blow dryer.... OMG! NO! My hair went from a dark blonde faded ombré, to a revolting brown and vibrant piss yellow ombré. I stopped her mid cut to complain, and she went to fetch the colourist and the condescending Sienna Miller wannabe head colourist. She told me the picture I chose was not achievable for my hair colour and condition, and so the colourist took creative licence and delivered me this. I was infuriated. I said that I came prepared with several options in mind, and that I would’ve chosen a brown if my first preference wasn’t suitable, but no such feedback was provided during consultation. She agreed they’d fix it at no additional charge.

It’s at this point I’d expect her, or another senior to come in, smooth things over, translate my picture into a clear direction for the “students” to fix, and check in during the rectification process. No. Instead I was squeezed into a spot at the narrow “dining table” full with 12+ women getting colour applied to their heads. The students squished in behind me, trying to sweet talk me into the least arduous solution - let’s make it all vibrant piss yellow! It took them a whole 15 minutes to grasp that I now want a base colour of chocolate brown with caramel highlights, highlights starting 5cm away from roots. I only had to repeat myself 100 times while pointing to a corresponding image. It was at this stage I could see the colourist mocking me in the mirror, rolling her eyes and shrugging her shoulders at colourists across the table.

While colourist applies foils 2.0, other staff are bludging, and in full view of this very pissed off customer. They all knew of my situation, why would they not help expedite foil application and my subsequent exit! Culture. That’s why. Mr Scandizzo must teach a class on apathy.

At 4:45pm, the blow dryer started up to reveal mahogany with practically no visible highlights, certainly not caramel ones. Colourist asked me what I think of it. Me, disappointed beyond belief, but too exhausted to react with a “WTFx2?!”, I told her it’s much better.

The stylist reappeared to finish my cut. She neglected to trim my grown out bangs as asked, and after everything I went through today... she didn’t even hold up a mirror to show me the back of my hair.

Then there’s the smug suit behind the counter, resembling the carpool karaoke dude. He tries to get me to sign up to the mailing list. #cuelaughter! I tell him that won’t be necessary. “That’s $415, but I’ll give you a first time visit discount of $25”. Yup. The going rate of a pooh ‘do here is $415 apparently.

After moving my car 4 times throughout the day, due to ridiculous South Yarra parking restrictions, I arrive at my car after 5:30pm to a parking ticket. Crying swimming pools of tears as a parked earlier, I hadn’t noticed it was a no stopping area.

Pooh ‘do $390
Infringement $169
Stress relieving booze. $56
Honest review revenge. Priceless.

️ a very unhappy first time (and only) visitor.

Approximate cost: $615