I knew this gift voucher was a bad idea. The man I booked with over the phone didn't seem to understand what I was requesting so when I got there, I tried to confirm it with him. I still wasn't sure he understood. He left me in the little room to prepare and the woman who was going to give me the massage opened the door while I was still undressing. She spoke zero English so I was just along for the ride. She understood the first yelp of agony that I just couldn't contain and finally eased up a bit but most of the remainder of the massage felt like torture. It occurred to me the little basket on the shelf under my head may be there to catch vomit from the massage-induced nausea. When the woman stopped after an hour silly me told her I had another 30 minutes on my voucher. Thankfully she left my body alone and moved onto my feet. This was almost tolerable.

It took my body days to recover from the physical pain this woman caused me. I was actually starting to wonder how and where to report this to in the event I had to make an insurance claim. I didn't realise it at the time (I've never had this kind of massage before) but whatever it was she was doing was not going to have a short- or long-term benefit to me.

Worst present ever.

I usually hold off stocking up on meat till I can get to one of the better-priced butchers in the area. Eagle Vale Quality Meats are one of those butchers. Their prices are fair, the meat is tasty and they have a very big selection available for the viewing (I hate having to ask what else a butcher has out the back!) I was very pleased to find smoked hocks among their selection recently - at almost half the price per kilo of what I had recently paid for a vacuumed-wrapped one at Woolworths. They are competitively priced against Woolies, who is their only competitor in the immediate area.

After receiving a sample menu in my letter box last week, hearing good things from a friend and checking out their menu online, I was excited to check out this new cafe (even though it is in the industrial area and we realised we didn't even know where Ultimate Carting is located though we pass through here often).

What I really wanted was to sample the breakfast menu but we were a little late for that (they stop serving breakfast at noon) so "lunch" it was.

The vanilla milkshake was average (average tasting, that is. It was on the small side for size). The wait was considerably long for burgers considering there was only one other couple in the cafe when we arrived. We didn't realise we were in queue with takeaway lunch orders and even home-delivered pizzas!

Both the oinker and the gander burgers were very tasty - I recommend both - though what's with the tiny wire basket containing scarcely a handful of chips and the stupid timber board instead of a plate (that contains very little!) Save your money on fad servingware and spend it on more chips, people! Plus c'mon - think of your demographic in Smeaton Grange. These dudes appreciate a good feed for their money, not try-hard platters that are near-bare!

The onion rings bordered on terrible. They could have been great if they stuck with the traditional batter but they turned them into cheap-and-nasty by seasoning the batter with something that tasted like the flavouring sachet from a packet of 2 minute noodles. What a let down!

The cafe grew busy and the kitchen is tiny; it was pretty clear they are not yet equipped to handle the lunch rush. People were leaving before they ordered because the wait was too long. I guess they are pretty new so will adjust accordingly but I also see their clientele dropping after we all have our sticky-beak at the "new cafe in town" since it is not exactly convenient to anyone except those working in the industrial estate.

We'll be back again, for sure. I need to taste all those egg-hollandaise items on the breakfast menu! The cake selection took my fancy, too. $3.80 for rocky road sounds good to me!

Approximate cost: $15

I took an overseas visitor To TIFP because I had heard fantastic things about it. It was a balmy evening so the courtyard seating was delightful, nevermind the charming impression it made when we first arrived.

The service was a little slow but we didn't help the matter by repeatedly putting off our order because we were so busy chatting. Before the food was even brought to the table we realised we were suddenly in a bit if a hurry to leave as we had arranged a pickup at 8pm. We were not too happy when the waitress brought us only one main meal! My friend and I had ordered the same thing but the waitress seemed to misunderstand and thought we were sharing. If she thought that was the case, she really should have found that request odd and repeated the order back to us! Anyway, we had ordered a slow cooked meal which had probably been ready for hours so it didn't take them long to cook up more pasta and serve me my dinner. It was a quality, tasty meal but no surprises.

That was one thing that struck me about TIFP's menu - nothing piqued my interest; I felt I knew exactly what each of the menu items would taste like. Sure, the classic combinations work but where's the point of difference?

Nevermind that we weren't hungry. When I spotted the words "Blue Danube" on a sign I had never seen before, I made my husband turn around (yes, on the highway) and take me damn well there! Yes! It was a restaurant! Those two little words promised me everything my heart desired; things one can't find in a okay-not-quite-so-local-but-almost-local restaurant!

The menu excited me! The variety! The prices! Did I mention the prices? The selection is a mixture of Eastern and Central European fare that probably isn't familiar to many but if you like to experience the food of Hungary, Poland, Germany and the like then get yourself down to Blue Danube! Just be sure to ask some questions before ordering if you don't like surprises as we had one sour meal and one spicy meal, neither of which we were expecting (but we were not disappointed!) I also recommend ordering a garden salad or something to freshen up your meal. And while langosh is to die for, it will fill you up. Never order a langosh for fewer than two people!

The food was authentic - little ladies in the kitchen were yacking in their mother tongue and the flavours took me back to Poland and Slovakia. Next time I'll visit Hungary for sure.

They have a link to their menu on their Facebook page but it isn't the current menu - there were more desserts listed when we ate there recently. $7.50 desserts! We didn't have room for pancakes but took a few bargain cakes home (at only $2.50 a pop, we couldn't resist). The drink menu was surprisingly cheap, too with beer starting at $4 and cocktails from $10. We are already planning our next visit.

They are set up in the old Grand Taco space. Unfortunately they are pretty doomed in that location so if Eastern European excites you then get down there while they're still around. If you do, they might stick around.

Approximate cost: $15

I'm the first to admit I've never enjoyed an entire meal at Barenz but I always walk away looking forward to my next visit.

This was the first time I visited exclusively for coffee and cake and my experience has taught me something for next time. #1 their coffee is waaaay to strong for me. I did the right thing ordering the small mocha because I couldn't even finish that. So now I know to ask them to make it MILDER or milkier or something. #2 that delicious-looking Mars Bar cheesecake I had been eyeing off for a year is as sickly sweet (and as awesomely amazing) as it looks so it wouldn't be the end of the world to share it with my daughter (though I had previously panicked at the thought!)

I almost fainted at the register when it was time to pay - well, not really but that came to about $10.70 (from memory) and just from the look of that cake, I was expecting it to be a lot more. Just for that, Barenz, I will be trying to make coffee (or something) and cake here a regular occurrence! ARThouse in Narellan - take note!

Just one suggestion - please put prices on the cakes in your display cabinet. I would have snacked here a dozen times over had I known your cake selection (unlike some of your menu items) was competitively priced.

Geez, no matter how many times I give them another go, I just can't bring myself to be impressed with The ARThouse. What tips the scales out of their favour is the poor value for money. I could get a cupcake that actually tastes nice from a number of different establishments in the same shopping centre and pay a lot less and expect it to be fresh. Or I could get a pot/cup of tea elsewhere and actually have change for a cookie or something on the side. For what they charge, I expect more. Okay, so after all this time - no, I don't.

The ARThouse isn't particularly bad. You just don't seem to get what you pay for there. Honestly, I rate McCafe higher.

We weren't overly impressed with our visit to Golden Lantern. The mixed entree was nice, the yellow curry was very good but the pad see ew was probably the only disappointing one I've ever eaten and the honey chicken was okay but it just didn't hit the spot. The batter on the deep fried ice cream tasted doughy - it needed more cooking.

Though we were the first people to arrive (and we had a booking), we were seated at the only table that had not been set. I assume it was the last table to have been used by previous customers. Though we ordered food for our toddlers, they were not given serviettes or cutlery besides useless teaspoons and massive plastic bowls that would be awkward for children twice their age.

We were lucky we got there early because not only was there just one person working in the kitchen, there was also only one person doing all the serving/taking of orders/bringing out food for the takeaway customers and taking payments at the cash register. Things started moving slowly by the time we wanted dessert.

We aren't in a rush to return but we'd have the yellow beef curry again if we did.

I had recently seen this new cafe's kids menu promoted on Facebook so I checked out their website before a Sunday morning visit to Wild Dragonfly with three children under the age of 5. We chose Wild Dragonfly because we know there is a kids playground in the café area and with a menu designated for young children only, I figured there would be a supply of high chairs so I could bring my 1 year old who often misses out on play dates with the older kids.

Unfortunately, before I had even sampled the food, I was put off by the place so much that I had already declared to my friend that I was not in a rush to return. I certainly have to plans to return with a one year old!

My main concern was the high chair issue. I couldn't find them in the café or courtyard. Generally, high chairs are stacked or tucked away in a corner of a restaurant but I couldn't see any. When I returned inside to order at the counter, I asked if they had high chairs and rather than help me out (at this stage my youngest was getting very heavy and my three year old was running in and out while I was detained at the counter), I was told that the chairs are "usually somewhere outside". Gee, thanks.

Indeed, I found three high chairs outside. One was sitting under a tree, COVERED in dead leaves and whatever else accumulates under such trees. I didn't bother getting close enough to find out if bird poo was amongst the offerings. On the far side of the public toilet, I discovered two high chairs tucked away behind a screen, also exposed to the elements. All the items stacked behind this screen were dirty. One high chair was clearly broken, with bits dangling and from the build up of spider webs, I figured this stuff was hidden behind here for a reason so the second high chair was probably also broken. In any case, spiders were now in the mix plus all the grime from these things being stored outside.

So Miss 1 didn't get her chair which of course meant I didn't get to sit down long enough to even eat my meal because she dashed off after the older kids in the playground. Perhaps not an issue if it were toddler-friendly however the high steps with nothing stopping her falling all the way to the ground were enough to spook me and my companion. So my morning was spend following her in and out of tunnels.

The food was not what we had visited for. The childrens meals had been crossed off the menu with black marker so suddenly there was little variety. Thankfully, our daughters didn't make a fuss. They chose croissants from the cheaper side on the menu. This would have been great ... if only they had croissants.

You can see now why I was over this place before the food even came out. Add the mosquito-infested baby change area and the chair that don't fit around or under the tables (not exactly child-friendly) and you have a not-very-young-child-friendly family café that crosses off half the kids meals but fails to update that fact on their website.

Like I said, I'm in no rush to return. Oh yeah, the food was fine/average but I enjoyed my coffee and was thankful it was hot because with all the mucking around without a high chair or seats that brought the kids close to the table (stupid outdoor furniture), my coffee didn't get a look-in for almost 10 minutes!

Approximate cost: $12

Honestly, the only stand-out part of our high tea in the QVB was the fact we were in an old, impressive part of the QVB. The tea selection may have been different but only one type of tea was included (per person). The food selection was standard for high tea and was not even visually stimulating. We were a group of about 20 and nobody was taken by the food enough to actually finish the meagre selection presented on the fancy servingware. Massive scones doled out around the table (I got the impression it was all-you-could eat scones) were obviously brought into play to fill us up.

One was not impressed (hehe).

Go to the tea rooms for a special occasion, maybe. Dress up and make the most of it but don't expect the feed itself to be any better than a high tea much closer to home.